Happy 7th Birthday my Angel

Happy 7th Birthday my Angel

Today’s is 26th of January and it’s my son’s birthday. Patrick is 7 this year. I’m so happy and grateful to celebrate his birthday. He’s going to have loads of surprises and I’m going to make sure that he is having the best day ever.

 

But I’m sad at the same time. You see Patrick was a twin. We learned at the 12-week scan that there were two babies but only one heartbeat. The news took me by surprise and devastated me. But I kept going because I knew I had another baby growing inside of me. During my pregnancy I felt happy. After I had Patrick, I was so happy to take him home. I’m so grateful to have had those special moments because I know there are mums that didn’t get to hold their babies. Didn’t get to take their babies home. 

I read recently that vanishing twin syndrome is a type of miscarriage that usually happens early in a multiple pregnancy. One twin is lost and the other one survives, normally without any problems for the surviving twin.

The word miscarriage weighs so much on me. I always felt that I’m a mummy of three children. I sometimes feel that I’m missing something. I feel guilty for not thinking of him more. I’ve never grieved his loss.

 

Every time I mention him to my family and tell them that I’m sad they tell me not to think about it. They tell me to focus on my children and be happy. Nobody understands my pain and my loss. Wish that I could find at least one person that has gone through the same as me and that I could use her shoulder to cry on.

How can one be happy and sad all in the same day? I am so proud of Patrick, he’s the kindest little boy, always friendly and supportive of others. Am I ever going to tell him that he’s a twin? Would this affect his life? Would he go into adulthood feeling like somethings missing? So many questions and so little answers.

Oh my baby please know that I’m thinking of you. I’m so sorry we didn’t have any time. Please know that I love you so much.  I cannot wait to meet you and be together forever.

 

Happy 7th birthday my sweet baby. I love you! 

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